Ever try to be better, and it feels like the universe does everything it can to trip you up? Maybe even go as far to just straight up pop you in the face, and knock you down in the playground?
Me too!
I was trying to be better, go to boot camp more consistently and I broke myself. Why am I sharing this? Because I know we all go through that. I get excited that I'm going to change my whole world overnight. I get my gear together, talk myself into a frothing frenzy of positive quotes, and jump feet first into whatever project catches my eye.
And then it gets hard to do. It takes more skill than I have. I look stupid, I'm tired of trying, and all those excuse snowball into I'm quitting.
I've been getting better as I age at not giving up as soon as something isn't fun anymore.
This totally wasn't that. I hurt myself. Bad. And it scared me.
I'm old, but NOT THAT old.
I used to be a beast. I worked out 4-5 days a week for about 90 minutes. My workout buddies were closer to me than most people. We shared everything about each other, no subject was to private or to gross to share. People accidentally farted, peed themselves, and one spectacular time, one of us staggered off to puke in the bushes.
Wasn't me, swear.
I will cop to peeing myself during jump rope.
I threw the rope on the ground, and stomped away to cry behind a tree in embarrassment. One of the other women walked over to check on me. I confessed, and she laughed.
She told me, "Now you know why we all wear black pants. Nobody can tell. We all have sweat stripes up our back and down our butts. We all look terrible. Come back."
What I learned from that class was if I was terrible at something I should work at it. Being terrible was sign I needed improvement.
Well, this is different. It's nerve pain. My left leg goes dead unexpectedly, just plap! Faceplant. My right knee is chewed up from falling two different times walking down stairs. So, I can't push myself too hard or I hurt myself.
It's so frustrating.
Another frustration, receiving another rejection from a children's book contest. I paid to be in the contest. It's how things are, but I still feel like a sucker. I'm still tapping away at my next book. I redid the cover, and removed the illustrations. I think the pictures made it look like a much younger book. Now, it has a dark edge I like.
I'm doing yoga and bellydancing to get strong again. I don't listen to the voice in my head that tells me it's not going to get better.
You know why?
Because, things do get better. My life has gotten better and better each year I've been alive. I've known some dark times, sad times I had no control over. I know a lot of you out there are panicking because the people around you are shaking their fists at the sky, and saying the world as we know it is over.
Well, they're partially right. The world as we know it ends every night, and begins again every time we wake up.
Each day is a new day to do something right.
To do something healthy.
To do something kind.
To do something brave.
We decide who we are in this world by our actions, not by other people's opinions. There are good people everywhere.
Sleep well, little ones. The future is yours.
Much Love,
Aunt DaDa
No comments:
Post a Comment